Mistakes
by allthatimlivingfor
Summary: All human Bell and Edward. A story of lost love
1. Chapter 1

Love was supposed to last forever, especially for us.

He was everything I ever dreamed about, the light that showed me the way down the dark tunnel. The moon that shone brighter than the stars; my sun, that lived only to shine on me.

My life was perfect, full, and peaceful with him in it.

I don't know how i'm supposed to go on without him.

If you had told me a year ago, that my whole existence would revolve around a _boy_, I would have laughed in your face. If you had told me I would be in pain without him by my side, I would have told you to go mess with somebody else. It's strange how completely my world has changed in a year. The upsides;the painful downsides. The love and the downfalls; the joy and the constant sorrow. All because of him.

To say I loved him with all my heart would be an understatement. It was so much more than that. He was a part of me, a part of my soul. To say I loved him with every ounce of my being and then some would be more accurate. Since the first time i saw him, eight months ago, I've known he was the one I was fated to be with. My destiny was to lie next to him for the rest of my life. My soul mate.

Until I screwed it all up.

It's funny how often people make mistakes. The little ones, the big ones, the life-changing ones. Everyday, millions of people make thousands of mistakes. One mistake, one decision, can mess up your entire life.

I have experience with that.

This is the story of how I killed the only boy I've ever loved.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry it took so long for me to post this! I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed and added my story to their favorites. You guys rock!

Waking up is the hardest part.

The stares, the glares, the whispers that come from ex-friends and strangers I can handle. I can deal with the friendless, lonely state I'm in. I can even go as far to say I've got it under control.

But the one thing I can't bear is waking up.

I hate leaving my safe, comfortable dreams. I hate leaving the warmth of his ghostly arms, feeling the hot breath of nonexistent air on my pale cheek, hearing the whisper of words never said in my ear. I can't stand leaving the haven of my make-believe world, of waking up and realizing all over again he's gone and never ever coming back.

It's torture.

But I guess I deserve it.

In some twisted, screwed-up way, I'm mad at him. Wasn't he the one who told me he'd love and hold me forever? Didn't he tell me he'd never leave my side, that he would always be with me? Now all I have left of him are my dreams. I can't help but feel betrayed.

Isn't that messed up. The murderer feeling stabbed in the back after she murders her victim.

Even after eight hours of sleep, I have absolutely no energy, and I wonder how I'm going to be able to make it through the day. Then I shrug, knowing I've managed on less or no sleep.

I slowly pick my way through my messy, uncared-for room and head towards my small bathroom. How I managed to brush my teeth and take a shower in my current state, I'll never know.

I leave the bathroom, wearing a worn, gray sweatshirt over an old, red t-shirt, paired with an equally old pair of wet, brown hair was pulled in a messy ponytail. I didn't care much for how I looked these days. A ratty, torn t-shirt was as perfectly good as a brand-new t-shirt.

I mutter hello to my mom as I pass her on my way to the kitchen. She glances up at me, worried, but I can't muster the strength to comfort her. For a second, I feel bad, knowing I'm hurting my mother with my pain and my depression. But, honestly, how can she expect me to be okay right after I was found non-guilty for a crime I knew I was unargumentively guilty for? How can she expect me to be back to my old self, when I hardly even remembered the girl I used to be? The young, carefree, girl undeniably in love with the most perfect human in the entire world.

I freeze, lost in my thoughts until my mother pulls me back into my nightmare.

"Bella?" She says hesitantly, as if she's afraid she might set me off.

"I'm not that breakable, mom," I say harshly, then cringe as I see it's effect on my mom's face. "I'm sorry," I say softly, turning my eyes away from her brown, identical ones.

"It's okay," She says reaching out to touch my shoulder. I noticeably flinch away, but she pretends not to see. "Bella...there's something I would like to discuss with you." From the time I was little, her soft, teacher's voice had always had a calming effect on me. Right now, I could feel myself relaxing, but I still wasn't going to drop my guard.

"Yeah Mom?" I ask, looking around the kitchen as I reach inside the refrigerator for the milk.

" What would you say if I told you that I think it would be best if you lived with your dad? I mean think about it. You don't have to tell anyone about your past if you don't want to. You could get away from it all, start over. Begin a new life without Ed- your past haunting you," she hurriedly finishs that last sentence, knowing what I get like when I hear his name. Right now, I can feel the pain begin to swell, starting in my chest and rising, pressing in on my ribs and throat. For a second, I can't breathe. My heart begins to race and my hands sweat, as if I'm nervous. The pain presses harder on my lungs and soon I'm gasping for air.

"No," I manage to get out through my half-strangled lips. I don't want to leave all my reminders behind. The places we always went to. At the thought of having to say good-bye forever, I explode.

" You can't handle me anymore, is that it? You don't want your unhappy daughter ruining your perfect new marriage? I know you want me to get better, but it hurts, mom. I'm not going to get over _him_ in just a few months. I loved him and I killed him! Do you know how that feels? To kill the only boy you'll ever love? To see the face of a killer staring back at you in the mirror every day? " I trail off, sobs racking my body. I wrap my hands around my waist, trying to hold myself together. I glance up and see my mother crying as hard as I am. I sink to the floor, sobbing so hard I can't see. My mom follows me, resting on her knees and pulls me into her arms. I bury my face in her chest, gripping her shirt so hard my knuckles turn white, but I don't care. The pain is so hollow and everytime I try to get away from it, it follows me with new strength that I don't have.

"Shh baby it's okay. It's going to be okay," my mom says over and over again, stroking my hair. We stay like this for a while, my cries eventually trailing off. With a couple of sniffles, I lift my head and look at the clock. I'm late for school.

" You don't have to go," she says following my gaze. " You can stay home today." I look at my mother, wanting to tell her how sorry I was for going off on her. Hey eyes hold mine and I don't have the courage to tell her.

I start to rise, unsteady on my feet, dizzy from my crying mom helps me up and leads me to the bathroom, where she hands me an aspirin and a glass of water. "Sleep it off," She says and I gaze at her again telling myself to apologize. Once again, I can't find the willpower.

"And Bella?" she begins uncertainly. "Think about it," she whispers and then disappears from sight. I'm too exhausted to get worked up over it again and I head back to my room for another few hours of restless sleep.


End file.
